Apology, Repair

The idea of making an apology may seem simple. One must acknowledge wrongdoing, take responsibility for their action, sincerely express regret, and promise the offence will not reoccur (Cárdenas et al., 2015; Gaertner, 2011; Tavuchis, 1991). Though the pattern for apologizing seems simple, we must recognize how each transgression has its own set of nuances that must be treated individually. In fact, there is no generic formula for an apology that automatically results in a victim granting forgiveness (Hatch, 2006). Instead, an offender must put themselves at the mercy of the offended when delivering their apology because after all, not all apologies are received with forgiveness.

Mea Culpa proposes that apology is set apart from excuses, defenses, and justifications that cover and hide the offender, shift responsibility away from oneself, distance transgressor from victim, and undermines the bond between those involved in the apologetic act (Tavuchis, 1991). A real apology involves risk; it leaves open the possibility for repair by alleviating the shame of the offender and acknowledging the pain of the offended (Gaertner, 2011; Mitchell, 2014; Tavuchis, 1991). Reconciliation through apology can only happen if a perpetrator shows a clear sense of remorse and fully accepts responsibility for their actions, including the chance of not being forgiven. It is often human nature to repress feelings of guilt, anxiety, and shame for the sake of appearing rational, however, crucial to an effective apology is making these feelings intensely present to the victim (Gaertner, 2011; Tavuchis, 1991). Though apologizing is a verbal admission of guilt and regret, humans can convey deeper suffering through their body language (Gaertner, 2011; Mitchell, 2014; Tavuchis, 1991). Crying, trembling, choking on words, and other forms of showing physical grief expressed with sincerity can create a bond between offender and offended and allow both to empathize with each other while initiating reconciliatory discourse (Gaertner, 2011; Tavuchis, 1991). A sincere apology in its humblest form abandons all attempts at justification for past actions and while showing remorse, simply admits wrongdoing. Apologizing without detectable emotion and with no supporting evidence for regret comes across as a sham, hollow and disingenuous.

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